This is My Heritage

And then, as the catfood container was empty and the cats appealed for sympathy - it apparently is too warm to go mousing - I hauled myself to downtown Goodville and our local mini-grocery.

While I was filling our needs from the shelves in blessed coolness, a man entered, clad in working habiliments. He selected canning lids, sugar, and spices.

The checkout clerk greeted him with, "Ach, so it gifs pickles!"

"Yah," he responded.

This is my heritage. For better or bitter, I am "home" here.

(And I've got cucumbers of my own, waiting to be pickled!)

When I Grow Up

The Trucker and I were outdoors today, doing yardwork ahead of the the latest multi-colored threat/blessing on the weather radar. I was distracted by explosions of mirth next door. High pitched giggles, squeals, and deep chuckles.

Our newly retired neighbor was teaching his helmeted great-grandson the fine art of maneuvering a tricycle down the driveway, and guarding him from scooting onto the street.

For years now, our neighbor and his wife have devoted their time to caring for great-grandchildren - their own family "daycare," as opposed to seeing the children in a standard daycare situation. Investing time and energy, when it could be said they have earned the "right" to relax on easy chairs.

I want to be like them when I grow up.

Holding My Children in My Heart

A mother carries her child within her body from conception to birth, approximately nine months.  The most intimate relationship.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, 

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Psalm 139:14-15

The child's survival depends on nourishment and protection the mother's body provides.  It is the picture of man's relationship with God the Creator.  As the child within its mother, man is totally dependent upon God.  And often totally unaware of how vulnerable he is.

Then the child is born.  Expelled kicking and screaming into a world previously unknown, except for sounds that could be heard pre-birth.  Yet there is still complete dependence on the mother for care, protection, and nourishment.  The bond becomes interdependent; mother's body needs the child nearly as much as the child's body needs the mother.

Life becomes a gradual letting go for the mother, and a gradual independence for the child.  As it should be.  Parenthood is working oneself out of a job.  There comes a time when the child is completely independent, except for the spiritual protection provided by the parents' prayers, and the loving, respectful relationship to last a lifetime.

When that bond is broken unnaturally, at any stage of a child/parent relationship, there is trauma, grief, loss.  Healing is brought about only by mutual effort and understanding.  When that mutual effort and understanding is absent, emotional and physical pain and loss continues. 

Months ago, grieving the loss of and disconnect from my daughters, I stumbled across an article that was a strange comfort.  I don't have that article anymore, but it began my research into something I had never known to exist.

At conception, when that first cell divides into two, one of those cells is destined to become an eternal human life, the other a placenta, an organ designed to nourish the baby till birth.  The placenta  manages to invade the wall of the womb without setting off an autoimmune response in the mother.  From about six weeks into the pregnancy til birth, the placenta facilitates an exchange of nutrients and waste products between the blood of the mother and the blood of the developing baby.  The two different bloods never mix and mingle.  The placenta takes over the function of all the baby's organs except its heart, until birth.

What I did not know was that some (most likely stem) cells from the baby also pass through the placenta into the mother's blood stream, along with waste products.  These cells are then carried to various points in her body.  Those that integrate into the mother's tissues are able to evade her immune system, and lodge there more or less permanently.  

This is called microchimerism.  Cells from two separate and distinctly different organisms that are residing in one body.  

Studies have also shown that in times of illness or injury in the mother's body, these cells may migrate to the affected area, and take on characteristics of cells in that tissue, thus assisting in the healing process.  For this reason, they are believed to be stem cells.

In plain words, a mother lives the rest of her life with cells that contain DNA from each child she has conceived still in her body.  A mother literally holds her children in her heart for life.  (And in other places)  The bond between a mother and her children is not only mental or emotional, but is actually physical.  All those sappy Mother's Day cards got one thing right, at least.

I found this intriguing, and oddly reassuring.  In this season of letting go, a normal, gradual release for some, and for others an abrupt, painful tearing away, there is grief and loss.  But even the prodigals, for whom I long, for whom I weep, have a remnant still with me.  That fact is a treasure.

But I ache for those lost ones.  To hold them in my arms as well as in my heart.  To look into their eyes and see those eyes clear and responsive, rather than dark and wary.

Daughter,

I still hold you.

It's with my heart.

But I still hold you

Just as tightly.

Daughter,

I still guard you.

It's with my prayers.

But I still guard you

Through the night.

Daughter,

I still love you.

It's what I do.

I still love you with

All my might.

A Marinade for My Soul

From a letter to a dear friend, copied here,

I am coming to realize that somewhere around our current time of life there is a lot of grief, a lot of letting go.  And not only the "big" things like death of loved ones and prodigal children and upheavals in church.

Every loss, every change, every dream that doesn't turn out like we planned, everything that has stopped happening that we wish could continue, prompts grief.  And who is to say that one source of grief is worse than/more important than/more worthy of sympathy than another?

What I know is that each loss acts on my soul like lemon juice or vinegar on a roast.  The marinade softens the fibers, making it easier to be cut or torn in the future.  

Every day for us all is the challenge to continue living, make a conscious effort to forgive, and decide what to do with what we have left.  When does God want to me quietly place it in His hands and wait, and when does He want me to get noisy about things myself and work toward a change?

This We Know - A Touch From God Today

This We Know
by the Vertical Church Band

[Verse 1]
You are who say You are
You'll do what You say You’ll do
You'll be who You’ve always been to us
Jesus
Our hope is in You alone
Our strength in Your mighty name
Our peace in the darkest day remains
Jesus

[Chorus]
This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing

[Verse 2]
Our God through the wilderness
And our joy in the heaviness
Our way when it seems there is no way
Jesus

[Chorus]
This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing

[Bridge]
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You, we trust You
Your ways are higher than our own
We trust You
In all things we trust You
Your ways are mightier than our own

[Chorus]
This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing
This we know
We will see the enemy run
This we know
We will see the victory come
We hold on to every promise You ever made
Jesus, You are unfailing
Jesus, You are unfailing

That Bitter Root Explained

Something I have been pondering for many months.  It needed to simmer, so that when expressed, would be in my own words, and not those of others.  Not that others cannot say it better.  But if I am to say it, there is little value in parroting what others have already communicated.

This writer has always been blessed (afflicted?) with a sensitive conscience.  And a consuming desire to please others, and God.  And a very conspicuously imperfect human nature.  Which means a constant struggle with guilt, deserved or no.

Enter Hebrews 12.  Beginning verse 14.  

Follow peace with all men,

and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.

Looking diligently

lest any man fail of the grace of God;

lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you,

and thereby many be defiled;

Countless sermons, classes, Bible studies, personal readings on that verse.  All managed eventually to camp on that phrase, "lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you."

Invariably, the teaching was along the lines of:

Don't get bitter in your heart.

No matter what.

You must let it go.

Conquer your feelings; they are evil.

You have to forgive and forget.

Bitterness will destroy you.

How, exactly, does one go about doing that?  What if the offense won't be forgotten?  After all, God is the only one who can truly forget.  And what is the difference between inability to forget pain caused by the offense, and "bitterness?"

Round and round.  Condemnation.  Guilt. Trying harder. Over and over again.

Until one day.

I heard a devotional by John Piper on this very scripture passage.  He asked questions I never thought to ask.  He dared ask questions I feared to ask.

So I checked it out for myself.  In Scripture and using Strong's Concordance.

I learned that this passage is actually a quote from the Old Testament, Deuteronomy 29:18.  The chapter surrounding this verse describes the covenant God made with His people.  The reason for the covenant?  That His people would have a boundary to keep them centered on Him, and a standard by which to judge when they strayed.

Lest there should be among you 
man,

or woman,

or family,

or tribe,

whose heart turneth away this day from the Lord our God,

to go and serve the gods of these nations;

lest there should be among you a root that beareth gall (bitterness) and wormwood (poison);

That bitter root is not an emotion, or a feeling that takes "root" in my heart and "grows".  That root is a person ("man, woman, family, tribe") who, having known the grace of God, allows himself to be turned away from that grace and to go his own way, all the while assuming that because he is still physically a part of a faith community, he will still receive the protection afforded to those who remain within its spiritual boundaries.

The bitterness is the fruit, the consequences, of that action.  To himself and others he leads astray.

John Piper says it like this:

...a “root of bitterness” is a person or a doctrine in the church which encourages people to act presumptuously and treats salvation as an automatic thing that does not require a life of vigilance in the fight of faith and the pursuit of holiness. Such a person or a doctrine defiles many and can lead to the experience of Esau who played fast and loose with his inheritance and could not repent in the end, and find life.

The sobering result of all this?  Deuteronomy 29:20,

The Lord will not spare him,

but then the anger of the Lord and His jealousy shall smoke against that man,

and all the curses that are written in this book shall lie upon him,

and the Lord shall blot out his name from under heaven.

And the Lord shall separate him unto evil...

And Hebrews 12:17, regarding the example of Esau,

...when he would have inherited the blessing,

he was rejected;

for he found no way of repentance,

though he sought it carefully with tears.

Which also tells me that if one who has tasted the grace of God continually persists in going his own way, there will come a time when God will no longer forgive, no longer make His grace available.

One scripture of many on this, Psalm 81:12,

So I gave them up unto their own hearts' lust,

and they walked in their own counsels.

What I learned?  The guilt, the misunderstanding that caused an unwinnable battle, is gone, covered in His grace.  The challenge is before me.

Romans 8:1

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus.

who walk not after the flesh,

but after the Spirit.

By His strength, I walk in the Spirit.  No longer carrying a burden I am not meant to carry.  Instead, 

...looking to Jesus,

the Author and Finisher of my faith.

The Trucker's Birthday

A birthday is special.  A time to recognize a special person for who they are.  A time for that special person to do things HE enjoys, for a change.  

The day began with the Trucker taking truck and trailer to the mechanic for a routine checkup.

Then to the local buffet with the Passenger for breakfast.  And what a breakfast that was.  The Passenger didn't need to cook lunch, and dinner was later that day as well.  

As it was one of those rare days when the Trucker is at home and the truck is not, it could have been a relaxing, lazy day.

Instead, the trucker sorted out a pickup load of metal parts and pieces from the garage, and hauled it to the local recycling center.

From there, he drove the the local home repair store.  Returning home, he commenced sawing and hammering and in general arousing the curiosity of his other half.

The result?

A pegboard on the one open wall in the garage!   A dream come true!  So fun to empty crates and shelves and corners and organize their tumbled contents on the wall.  And we are not done.  There is more space on the pegboard, and more items to hang, more shelves to unclutter.  A dream come true for the Passenger, who loves organization and tidiness.

And those gas cans on the shelf in the background?  He filled those too.  No worries about running short of gas in the middle of a mowing project.

Maybe a little thing for him, but a big one for the Passenger.  Maybe she can come up with something to do for him on HER special day.....

That Was Then: A Typical Day in July 2015

A Typical Day in Early July

or,

How To Prepare A Simple Crock-Pot Meal in Only Eight Hours

It’s that time of year again. Meals can be prepared directly from the garden. Delicious, fresh, no processing, no shopping. Here is how to make a simple crock-pot meal in only eight hours.

First, know that after days and weeks of rain, the garden is a bit soggy. Nice for pulling weeds and root crops out of the ground, but not nice for getting rid of the mud that has attached to everything.

Arrive at the garden at 9 AM, having already been up since 5 AM in order to pack lunches, prepare breakfast, see the children off to work, clean the kitchen, and start the daily laundry.

The first ingredient is potatoes. Two weeks ago they didn’t exist. Now many are larger than my fist. Pull out the required number of plants. Detach potatoes. Carry to outdoor faucet. Rinse. Repeat. Again. And again. Take to the kitchen. Scrub. Cut in chunks, put layer in bottom of crock-pot. Throw in a few spices. Set extra potatoes aside. Wipe down sink.

Return to garden. Repeat process with carrots. And with onions. And with green beans.

Lastly, pull out the dying pea plants, pick off the last pods, shell, and wash the peas. My children prefer to eat these raw, so they are not added to the crock-pot.

Now, turn to the excess of each item gathered in dishpans on the counter. Cook the potatoes, cool, and refrigerate for making breakfasts the rest of the week. Bunch the carrot tops for Daisy the pony. Scrub the carrots for a salad. Box washed onions and refrigerate for later use. Fill canning jars with beans, set the canner to cook. Blanch, cool and freeze the beans that didn’t fit into the jars.

Step out to the flowerbed that hosts lettuces and radishes. Harvest, rinse, and toss in salad bowl with grated carrot. Mix a vinegar dressing. Refrigerate. Find leftover bits of meat in refrigerator, dice, add to crock-pot to heat.

Wash, dry, and put away all dishes. Wipe counter and table. Just in time to greet children as they begin arriving home from work with grimy lunchboxes and water jugs. Empty lunchboxes and jugs (immediately, as one came home recently containing a whole ant colony, complete with uncles and cousins), wash and dry containers. Put jugs in freezer to chill for the morning. Wipe counter.

Set table for supper. Pull out bread and jelly and dessert left from the last meal. Add the salad. Set crock-pot in center. Prepare a cheese sauce. Call children to table. Sit down (at last!) and thank God for all the bounty He has provided. Pass the food. Glance at the clock. Realize it only took the children ten minutes to eat!

See children off to Bible study. Clear the table. Put away leftovers. Wash, dry, put away all dishes. Wipe counter. Pull out four lunch boxes, line them on the counter. Begin packing the non-perishable aspects of tomorrow’s lunches.

Children return from their Bible studies. Each digs out a snack from cupboard, fridge, or freezer. They gather around the table to discuss their day. You settle back and enjoy this time, whether or not you are invited into the conversation. Children head for their beds, calling a good night over their shoulders.

Clear the table. Stack the dishes in the sink. Wipe the table and counter.

Realize you spent eight hours on supper preparation. Realize you were working with food, either in kitchen or garden, for most of the past eighteen hours. Realize you are exhausted, and aside from a few packs of vegetables in the freezer and a few jars on the counter, there is no visible measure of what you accomplished this day.

Fall into bed, thanking God that you have had this moment, this day. A season of your life that will soon be over. The thought is reason for both cheers and tears.

And that is how you make a simple, healthy, garden crock-pot meal in just eight hours. (Sarcasm intended!) J

I Learn About Day Camp

Last week the Trucker was on the road, and the Passenger got an intro to Day Camp, although just the window of activities around lunchtime.

I learned there is "Table Time"  for each class to work on week long projects, and for "herd control" while waiting for the next activity.  Here are two of the seven tables.

And sometimes the Director calls for a review of Bible Memory verses before lunch.

And sometimes the campers challenge the director recite the verses on his own.

And sometimes the director reads off the winners of the morning's competitive game, and sends them through the lunch line first.

And sometimes hungry appetites need a little help remembering the "girls first in the lunch line" rule

.

And sometimes the Bible teacher and the director/teacher give up their lunch time to re-connect and plan the next session.

Though the director kept things running smoothly all week, putting in countless hours along with his committee, he never quite knew where his shoes were, and there was that time where he had a hamburger four meals in a row.  But the investment in young lives was without a doubt worth it all.

And there is no photo for the way the director looked the morning after the week before, but he recovered quickly, and is waiting for the Lord to send the next challenge his direction!